sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life..with no one to hold in my arms and sing a lullabye to at night even though I suck at singing... to be there to say good night to me, sleeping there right next to me, giving me a sense of security... i sometimes wonder if i'll ever build the courage to say "i love you," to someone i love.. to hold and be forever in their presence, to kneel down and hand them the diamond ring i've been saving for after seeing it in the glass window at a jewelry store...i sometimes wonder if there's someone out there for me...someone who feels the same about me...someone who i'll feel comfortable with, and someone whose comfortable with me...i want to melt away like chocolate and smile when they smile back at me..i want to know that i can trust them no matter what they do..

I wonder if I'll ever meet someone that's right for me...my soul mate, my true "destiny," .. my starlight starbright, the first star I see each night...I wonder if they'll grow old with me...and I wonder how many kid's we'll have if any...I want to know that no matter our decisions we'll love each other..

then I stare at my ceiling sometimes at night, wondering where i am right now in life..seeing my friends and my family, they're so happy..i'm so happy too, but there's a sense of emptiness, a growing hole like a black abyss, that I can't seem to fill. I wonder where my life's taking me, where I'll be heading later in this journey that I'll never forget, but probably never revisit.

I wonder why we are born then die, I wonder why the world can't just get along, or why the universal language is music..why can we all relate to each other except for people who sometimes discriminate..I wonder why people are so cruel to others, murderers and burglars, who invade each others privacy, for sick and twisted pleasure..

i wonder why the people I thought were my friends avoid me at school, and the ones I once hated, are always there for me...i wonder why people have a way of forgiving but some have a way of holding the grudge...I wonder why I do stuff like x-c and track, when i suck at it, and hate the feeling of getting tired. i wonder why i push myself when it just hurts more, and i wonder why i'm so much different from everyone else.

I wonder why i'm so hyperactive and have an addiction to coffee, i wonder why the sky's blue and why the grass is green, and sometimes i wonder why I do the things I do, and make the choices I make, even when I know the consequences..I wonder why I got myself in this spiraling staircase leading to nothingness and i wonder why I regret things I've done in my past...I wonder why I can't gain the guts to do some things, even though It'd make me a happier person...

I sometimes wonder, sitting in my bed, writting down the first thing that pops into my head, and sometimes I discover answers, but sometimes I can't...it's like a written equation in a foreign language that I just can't understand and sometimes I stare at these equations for the longest time...and sometimes a friend comes with a helping hand, telling me what I'm doing wrong and right, showing me guidance, in this "one life,"

and for some reason.

i'm rhyming.

and i love pickles.

PICKLES!!